You didn't love her....

And the worst part is you're still managing to affect her life even though she's been trying her hardest every single day....

I'll pay the off the debt you've left me in, for one reason and one reason only.

I'm done with this.

I want no ties with you and I will do everything on my part to cut them. If only you would be a man and do the same.

Set me free please.....

.... as a bird

I should feel stupid.... But I don't.

To be confused and to not know what you're confused about is.... Well confusing.

This time last year I didn't have a choice in things. I knew where my life was heading and what I was suppose to do. But now.... Well now I can do anything I guess. It's up to me.

How am I suppose to pick what I want to do when the whole world is out there for me to explore!

But you see, despite all this, the main thing is.... I genuinely think I'm ok. I am. Despite the confusion and the stress I really am ok now.

For now anyway....

Can someone point me in the right direction?

Ever felt just completely lost?

I don't actually think I feel lost. I think I'm just confused. I know what I'm doing in my life and where I'm suppose to be heading but I'm just not sure if its what I want anymore. Don't get me wrong I still want to be a teacher, but the way I feel about it just isn't the same. I'm still 'passionate' about working with kids... I don't know. I just feel differently about a lot of things now.... I want some adventure. I'm bored of this place. I want to go.... Everywhere. Anywhere. I want to feel 'free'.
But maybe this is the path for my life... Nqt job, flat in Warrington. Same town, same faces.

God I hope not!

*sigh* I'm sat here and I know what's on my mind and what I want to talk about I just don't know how to put it into words. Probably better that I stop dwelling on it anyway....
I will give you one piece of advice though.... They say things will happen when you least expect them. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. But if by some chance they do.... Don't trust those things to work out the way you want.

- > +

Surely it is more realistic to be a negative person? That way you are never disappointed....

It not you.... It's me.

Warrington the last few months have been great, they really have but I think it might be time for us to call it a day. Don't get me wrong some of our nights together have been amazing, you sure know how to show a girl a good time. But, in the cold hard light of day.... This just isn't what I want. Your pathetic attempt at decent boys with their cheesy chat up lines, the amount of money you cost me, the hangovers and more importantly the way you make me feel about myself the next morning.... Like some kind of desperate girl. I'm fed up of going out wanting to catch someones attention, because let's face, they aren't the type of boys/men that I want attention off.

Last night I got asked out for a 'roast dinner, glass of wine and a side of sex'.... By a 19 year old (I'm 25 in case you were wondering). I think it's time to hang up my dancing shoes. Not completely, I'm a girl so dancing around your room to the Spice Girls is agiven. But I think I've had enough of the club 'scene'. I have had some amazing nights in the last few months dancing around Babylon to 1D and 5ive with my Wilde one but I'm beginning to feel like I'm just going out in the hope of meeting someone. Probably because I am. But thats just not how I want to meet someone, a drunken kiss in a bar and then wondering if you'll ever hear from him. Surely there has to be better ways than that, because it certainly isn't working out for me at the moment. Maybe I shoud join a dating webiste. Or maybe I should just become a hermit, focus on my uni work and stop centering my life around the fact that I'm single. Thats easier said than done though. I know because I have been saying this for the last 6 months, 'It doesnt matter that you're single, there's nothing wrong with being single, you've got to learn to be happy by yourself'...... It hasn't worked. Don't get me wrong I'm not desperate, I'm not going to just throw myself at anyone that's interested. But I'm not good at being by myself. I don't know how to do it... I dont want to do it. Spend 5 years attached to the hip of someone and this is what will happen to you. I'm fed up of going out and then waking up the next morning feeling disappointed in myself for expecting to meet the right person. I'm beginning to think I need to get over this idea of the right 'person' or the right 'feelings'. I know when something doesn't mean anything.

So yeah the sensible thing to do: Focus on my uni work and placement. Graduate and get an NQT job. Start job and move out into my own place. Simple.
The only thing is, at the moment, I dont see myself staying here after graduation.....

Anyway, enough of the pity party for one... I have an assignment to write.