It scares me that I can't remember the last time I was 100% completely and truly happy with all my being....

The year that changes everything.......

Huh, well 3 months in and nothing's changed. I'm still lonely, still fed up, still lost and confused, still joint owner of a house with my ex, still being stalked by bad luck....

Everyone keeps saying that life has its ups and downs, and that the ups will come eventually. But I just don't see it. It's just down after down after down. The second I start to feel happy something goes wrong.

I've been patient, I've been hopeful and most of all I've been strong. I've dealt with everything you've thrown at me and I'm still standing! Why after everything are you still making me prove myself?

When is it my turn?

It's all me, me, me, me, me!!

And it is... It's all about me!

I have just finished my dissertation. I don't say that in a boastful way, more in a 'I'm so proud of myself' way!
Despite the countless assignments I have written over the last 3 years, I just did not think I had it in me to write a dissertation. That's something that clever people do. Not that I'm stupid or anything but you know....
But I have! All by myself! And most notably without the 3 people supporting me who I always assumed would be there at my side! I don't need them. I never did!
This was done by me, and for me! And now I'm on a roll baby.... What's next??

When you finally realise that your true worth is 0

I don't get what I did.... What I do. What did I do to deserve to be this lonely? It's been a year nearly. Why am I still on my own? Yes I know I shouldn't need a man to define me but it kind of hurts that no one out there wants me. I can't be that bad can I?? I try. I really do but I can't do it any more. Me and rejection do not mix well.

I saw him today. With her. Didn't hurt anyway near as much as I thought it would. I guess that's a good thing. But what does hurt is that he gets to be happy. Why him?! Surely I deserve it more? But then again, I wasn't enough for him, so why would I be enough for someone else?

maybe this is how it's suppose to be. Me. Alone. The girl that wasn't enough.

You didn't love her....

And the worst part is you're still managing to affect her life even though she's been trying her hardest every single day....

I'll pay the off the debt you've left me in, for one reason and one reason only.

I'm done with this.

I want no ties with you and I will do everything on my part to cut them. If only you would be a man and do the same.

Set me free please.....

.... as a bird